Building Self-Confidence: Distinguishing between Success and Fulfillment

Building Self-Confidence: Distinguishing between Success and Fulfillment


As a professional coach, I am privileged to work with many clients from various walks of life, with differing skills and experiences.

What they all have in common is the presenting issue:

“I want a new path, new skills, new direction for my life or my career, I feel my success is slipping, I would like someone to help me sort it all out with me so I can be more fulfilled”.

This is the typical statement my clients bring to me when they begin coaching.

Sometimes this deep desire for fulfillment doesn't 'show up' at first. It is more like:

“Can you help me? I want to learn this new skill, change careers, work on my relationship with my family, make a change in my lifestyle, and move. I am seeking success so I can feel fulfilled.”

Underneath these desires is the desire to build or rebuild self-confidence so that they have the courage to find fulfillment.

What happens next is fascinating. We build a plan based on a combination of action and this deeper need for fulfillment.

Most often we start with the 'Wheel of Life' a tool that measures fulfillment in various areas of life-career, relationship, and personal growth, among other things. Once we see the results we can understand a whole life measured by degree of satisfaction in each area. It is a snapshot taken in the present moment and gives us a direction for the work. What happens next is fascinating. We build a plan based on a combination of action and values.

As we work to connect or re-connect to self-confidence, shifts take place for my clients and life moves forward toward fulfillment. Most people think fulfillment emerges from successes. What I know to be true is success emerges from fulfillment.

Here are some self-coaching questions for you to consider when you are seeking success!

• What does success mean to you?
• Do you consider yourself successful?
• How do you know you’re successful? What measures are you using?
• How about fulfilled? Have your successes fulfilled you?
• What would you uncover if you applied success & fulfillment in different categories -- family, work, career, retirement, and relationship? Does each category have a different degree of success?
• Is there something you would like to do to increase your successes and fulfillment?
• What would you need to let go of to improve?
• If you have chased successes that now seem unimportant, can you let them go?
• Overall, are you satisfied with what you discover?
• Do you have any unfulfilled dreams? Can you follow them now and see if they become successes for you?
• What if you were seeking to be fulfilled? How would the answers to these questions change for you?

If you want to explore the questions of Success & Fulfillment further. Click here and access the Confidence Connections Wheel of Life and reconnect to your most confident self.

Building a Private Practice:
How Much Should You Charge for Your Services?

All of my clients come to me with the $ question. How much should I charge?

A Recent Harvard Business Review report noted coaching fees range from around 100 bucks to over 3K for a session. That’s quite a range. How do you figure out your sweet spot-the place your clients are willing to pay for your services? Ah, this is not a simple question, nor a simply answered question. But here’s what I know:

• You can’t charge more than you can comfortably ask because your discomfort will show through and hurt your credibility
• Your mindset influences your ability to set fees, therefore, as your confidence grows, so will your fees
• You have to determine if you’re a commodity service or a professional service: we bargain for commodities, we respect professionals
• Consider Packaging your Services: Many in private practice charge by the hours per month. But that’s not the only way to make a living
• Develop different income streams to increase your revenues
• Pay attention to your ‘league’. Are you in the majors, minors or varsity league? Plan out what it will take to move up, if you want to.
• Align yourself with bigger league players and practice, practice, practice. Even if you’re on the bench for a while, you’re hanging with the home run set and that increases your credibility.
• Work your skills and talents: All you do should be based on, please, your unique abilities, not other people’s pre-written seminars or models. It’s very difficult to be credible as a trainer IF you haven’t developed your own materials.
• Develop your unique skills: Coaching and training models can and should be adapted to suit the needs of your clients and the strengths you bring to the work. Your creative adaptations will make you uniquely qualified to serve your clients and charge your worth

Focus on the Cornerstones of Confidence

Trust Yourself
Learn About Yourself
Build Emotional Support for Yourself
Focus on Your Productivity

For a complete report on the Cornerstones of Confidence click here: http://www.salterva.com/kathleen/JVGiftCornerstones.html

Job Searches: Times Change

Are you using social networks to find employment?
If not, you're missing an important tool. One of my clients was found through LinkedIn when his profile matched an employer's needs. the employer sought him out and the match was perfect.

Here are some important ways to use social networks to build your confidence connections:

• your photo
• a strong and accurate bio/resume/description of you and your background
• having others post recommendations on your LinkedIn page
• joining groups with people who would be of assistance to you
• participating in group discussions so you become known and can demonstrate your expertise
• establish connections to 'connectors' (those extroverts who get around and seem to know everyone)
• add connections to those in your industry
• don't forget connections to friends and family who will learn more about you and what you do from that bio you wrote
• sharing your connections with others

For more info on social networking and other job search tips, click on the title of this article and read a recent newspaper article on this subject.

Building your Private Practice Business: 5 Steps to a Success
(and not one is about social networking)

If you’re in private practice as a coach, therapist, or consultant, for example, then you’re dealing with potential clients and customers. And that means, like it or not, you’re…selling. And, likely you hate that word. (It has all sorts of overtones to widgets, pressure, disrespect, cold calling, etc.) All the junk we impute into the idea of selling are confidence trashers, by the way!

Okay, so let’s change the mindset to…relationship building. That way you don’t have to sell anything at all. You just have to listen and look for the match between your services and the person’s needs. Here’s what I teach my clients about ‘not-selling’.

If you goal is to build your practice and make a difference in the world, then your strategy is to get the ‘right’ clients to say something akin to: “I can’t wait to work with you.” Or, “ I hope you have room in your practice for me.” How do you implement this strategy?

1. Build trust: You do this by helping your prospective client feel safe with you by releasing them from any pressure to hire you. Then you build rapport by listening carefully to their presenting issues. If you can hear the ‘need under the need’ you can touch on that so the person feels understood. You’re building trust!

2. Make room for difference: Allow yourself and your prospective client to have differences of opinion or analysis. You can posit a different perspective, opportunities, and point of view so that it becomes obvious that you’re independent yet aligned with the person.

3. Look for commitments: NOT commitment to work together but commitment around how you work with your clients. Your strategy, for example.

4. Set accountability: How would you work with this person? In person, via telephone. How will they know you’re accountable? What do you tolerate from clients. For example, I work with many executives who cannot be sure they can make their appointments so I have a 12-hour cancellation policy instead of 24 hours. This gives us more freedom and I have designed projects I can do should I have a free slot in my day. It all works out well in the end. I do my best to be flexible where I can and yet set very high standards for completing assignments.

5. Outline goals: If the client comes to you with a presenting problem (difficult employee) but their fulfillment goal is a strong high-functioning dependable team, then invite the person to have this bigger goal.

More questions than answers? Call your Confidence Coach, Kathleen Schulweis, CPCC, PCC:
Building private practices and saving relationships for more years than she cares to admit.